What is Personal Coaching?

Since coaching is new to many people, it takes a while to know how to work with a coach. Is she like a trainer? Is he a therapist or consultant? Or maybe something like a psychic healer? Not quite. A coach is a person who works with you so that you can clarify for yourself who you are, where you are, what are your real goals, and what are the real obstructs. If you need, a coach will walk with you, encourage you, and listen to you.

A coach is not a therapist who listens and analyzes your problem; she listens to your problems, but asks you to solve them by yourself. A coach is not a consultant who finds a solution to your problem; he helps you to find a solution. A coach does not set a goal for you; you set own your goal. She just clarifies if you have some uncertainties. A coach does not take any responsibilities to your problem, action, or results. They are all yours. If you succeed in your life while you are working with a coach, the success is totally due to your effort, not by the coach. If you fail to achieve a goal due to inaction on your side, a coach does not take any responsibility, your inaction is totally your problem.

How should you use a coach? Although it depends on the coach, there are some basic guidelines

Before you call your coach, prepare what you want to discuss during the session. If you can reach your coach via email or fax, send the note before the session. The note may contain

  1. Overall goal
  2. Goals for this week
  3. What was accomplished
  4. What are problems if any
  5. What are the next steps if you know
  6. What you want to discuss with a coach at this session

During the session, you may want to :

  1. Explain more details of each item on the list.
  2. Tell him how you feel about your progress, goal, and problems
  3. Listen to what your coach says. Tell him if you do not agree with what he said. Be honest about it. The coach is not perfect, and he is not you either.
  4. Negotiate the amount of your work for the week. It is you who do all the work. If you can do more, ask more. If you can not, cut from the list.
  5. Ask questions. A coach may not be able to answer your questions, but he could rephrase them so that you may be able to answer the questions yourself. A coach is your sounding board. If you ask for more questions, you get more back.

Remember that the coach's job is done when you hang up the telephone. He does not have any responsibility beyond that point; so use him as much as you can during the session. If you need some reminder and encouragement during the week, however, you can ask your coach to send you a short email note during the week.

What you can expect from a coach during the session;

  1. She is a good listener, however, won't accept your complaints too long. You have only a limited time per session.
  2. He gives you an honest opinion based on his experience, intuition, and analytical thinking
  3. He may not know what you want to know and may say "I do not know" to your questions.
  4. She won't decide anything for you, but will support you in whatever you decide to do.

After the session, it is good idea to summarize what you discussed with your coach, and send it to the coach so that your coach can put some comments on it and send it back to you. This way, you are actually doing the work, and your coach assists you if you miss something form the discussion. The coach may have after thought, and add more comments on that, too. The note may contain

  1. New goals that you set in the session
  2. Assessment of the previous accomplishments
  3. Any new possibilities
  4. Questions arise during the session and after the session

Remember that you need to do all work. Don't ask your coach to summarize what you discussed in the session. It makes that you are following someone's objective not yours. Although it seems that there is not much difference between them, your mind takes a totally different message from these two. If you initiate, you take ownership, and take responsibility. If you are given something, you do not take ownership, and hence you do not take responsibility.

Before the next session, you need to do work to set the goals for the week.

  1. Set a time to work on the goal
  2. Carry around the note so that you can remind yourself what you need to accomplish for the week
  3. Write down anything you think related to the goal so that you can write the next memo to your coach
  4. Send email to your coach, or call her, if you need some quick clarifications or answers. A coach usually accepts a short unscheduled (emergency) telephone call (up to 5mins). Better use email, since the coach can do the work when he has time. But don't abuse the right. Solve problems as much as you can.

Although many people underestimate their ability to accomplish things in a specified time, once objectives are clear, there are people who put too many things on a plate, too. A good coach can tell when she can push her client more, and when she limits work for the client, but if you feel like you are overwhelmed, don't hesitate to say so to your coach even between the sessions. It is you who need to do the work and you are the person who decides how much you can do.

Hope this helps you understand what you can expect from your coach and how to maximize use of a coach. If you have any questions, you can always ask your coach. We, coaches, are glad to answer questions.

tisobe@seikin.com